Office Wisdom

Note to self: The next time you decide to talk bad about the boss, don't be leaning on the speaker phone button.

Super Hero Turtle

Typically, I will begin to slip into slow depression until December 22 when the days start getting longer again. Perhaps it's a turtle thing or maybe since I have a job and can't hibernate, I'm a bit bitter.

I don't like darkness.

I assume God is paying more attention to the other side of the world when it's dark. Which, by the way, brings up an excellent question, does He still take Sunday's off? Seems like we could make an awful mess of things left to ourselves for even one day.

Chik-fil-A and Hobby Lobby give there employees Sunday off. What about the angels?

I'll be honest - I'd prefer all of Heaven is doing shift work and continuously keeping watch over my area.

Back to the main topic and why my melancholy has slowed. I have always thought I'd should be able to move small objects with my mind. I have also always thought it was a crazy thought.

Tonight I met someone who lives under the same assumption. We tried moving a glass together to no avail. Honestly, it seems as though if we found one more person with the this odd delusion, we'd be able to have a real go at it.

My prediction is that God, in his glorious sense of humor, will move something when I'm all alone and can't prove it to anyone.

I know it sounds crazy but I thought it appropriate to share ( I am fully able to admit perhaps the aluminum in my anti-perspirant is causing me to lose my mind)

Wait. Did your mouse just move on its own? That was me...

Fallen Cliffs and Fallen Egyptians

The History Channel ran a special about the plagues of Egypt in biblical times. Read the biblical history here.

I had always known the Bible's historical and archaeological accuracy was incredible, but the History Channel brought this turtle to a new sense of amazement.

First, I did not know there was solid evidence of the Israelites coming to Egypt, of Joseph being a Hebrew with the Egyptian royal power as described in the Bible, as well as evidence of the plagues and the Exodus.

In fact they even found the Pharaoh they believe to be the father of the Pharaoh Moses dealt with. An artifact had writings about the "one true God" of the Hebrews that smited Egypt with the plagues.

The fun part was when they decided to show how the plagues could have been caused by natural events. The picture above is of Santorini, one of the most beautiful islands in Greece. The sheer cliffs that you see are due to an earthquake so violent that part of the island literally slid into the sea. This played a major role in the plagues of Egypt.

I won't hit the details but suffice it to say, that the History channel had "ideas" on how all the plagues could be caused. The interesting part to me is how some scientists/scholars give great credence to the history of the Bible...except of course the God part. Imaging the coincidence that would have had to occur for the Bible history to be true (which they proved) without God being involved?

Bottom line - if you are struggling with God and His existence, know that he does leave his mark - sometimes it small and barely noticeable, other times, well, it's as giant as the cliffs on an island.

Thanks, History Channel people.

Swimming in the Shallow Water with Britney

Twice this morning, I have created the most wondrously thoughtful discussions for today's blog. Twice now, they have been accidentally deleted and as if to help me, the autosave feature was amazingly quick to save a blank screen over my hearts work.

Deep thoughts are not meant to be this morning.

Therefore I am rebelling and posting a pretty picture from a swim in a quaint harbor in Crete (I carry a 5MP camera in my shell - it's watertight) AND adding the top three things you may not have thought of concerning Britney Spears:

3. If she were in major league baseball instead of pop music, she would most likely be on steroids instead of illicit drugs which would make her look just as bulky as she is now, BUT she would still have custody of her kids.

2. If she was born a little earlier and gotten to John Lennon before Yoko Ono, the Beatles could still be together. This is based on Britney's desires for children and home life and general more sociable era than Yoko. She may have not found the other Beatles so threatening and let John be the Beatle he was meant to be. If you are unaware who John Lennon (no, he's not from Russia) and the Beatles are, just know that Michael Jackson at one time owned their music until he had to sell much of it off due to ...issues.

and the number one thing you probably hadn't thought of...

1. God loves Britney just as much as you or Billy Graham or even this little turtle and somehow she need to learn about what He did for her.

Sorry couldn't go the whole blog without getting a little deep...just a tad.

The Turtle and the Honda

To borrow from one of my favorite historical tales where a tortoise outraces a hare by making steady progress, I fully believe this is possible in my home town.

On the way out of (or into town depending on your perspective) our nice, peaceful city has added 438 stoplights (if you'll allow a bit of hyperbole). I believe my little tortoise legs could now outpace a car - any car.

I believe the stoplights are about 10 feet apart so you can fit one of those GEO Metros in between them. Are they timed - you might ask? Yes, by Satan himself, allowing you to reach each stop light just in time to watch the yellow fade.

I typically walk everywhere so I'm not bothered, but if you ordered Fattened Calf Greeting Cards during our new "99 cent shipping" promotion and you're wondering where they're at...most likely they are waiting in between stoplights 235 and 241.

Anyone up for a race?

Turtle Tears

I am finding that "Free Speech" is a one sided coin. So often when someone wishes to demonstrate their ability to be vulgar or shocking, we hear these claims of the first amendment. Yet those that oppose obscenity and vulgarity in the public domain are told their views are intolerant and should be squashed. (Being a smaller turtle, I am somewhat sensitive to the word "squashed")

It seems you are allowed a voice only if it is in agreement with the people professing their obscenity is free speech.

I'm sure this is a quote from someone but if not please add this as a quote from Eugene Turtle, esquire. "Freedom without responsibility will destroy a nation."

I am sad to announce that America seems to have lost the concept of responsibility (except to ones own desires). This means we no longer care whether our freedom hurts others (especially children) because our own rights outweigh the good of society.

We can no longer get back to a nation living and dying for common goals because each persons goal is now much more important than the country itself. Our only chance is the hearts of people to change and think of others before themselves. (I'm sure that it someone else's quote.)

As for now, those exposing their rights to vulgar free speech would many times say that their ability to show obscenity to the public (and even children) IS what makes America great.

Sometimes I think freedom cries in our misinterpretation of its glory. Tonight this turtle will shed a tear as well...

A Turtle with a Lisp

It's been awhile, but I blame it on the pain. If you're familiar with the digestive system of the turtle, you're aware of the dangers of infections of the salivary glands.

I have such an infection. Were I not to have the strength of ten normal turtles, I may have passed on long ago.

For awhile, I fought with all I had to resist the pain of my swollen gland and tongue. I acted normal, but for the new lisp from the pain in my tongue. Here's what I observed, I can be mean. I am really a sweetheart of a turtle, but the pain made me quick to anger at people. I snapped at Ginger, at my boss, I was miserable.

For some reason, it was much easier to make others miserable as well. And you can only imaging the jokes when your a turtle and snapping at people...

Alas I finally succumbed to the pain and asked my Doc for something to help. He handed me a piece of paper with scribbles on it and after a trip to the pharmacy, I was back in shape. Not only was the pain gone, but I felt great. (Perhaps the doc forgot to reduce the dosage for a turtle's body size.)

Here's what concerns me. I had this overwhelming desire to encourage and help people.

Is that why we Americans are sometimes so mean? Is it the pain? I thought statistics showed as as heavily medicated so why aren't we nicer in general?

I want to know what normal is. In normal life without medication and without pain what are we like. Perhaps this goes back to the question of whether we are inherently good or evil.

Or perhaps it won't matter once the medication fades away.