More Notes To Make Note Of

Note #242 to self:

When your girlfriend brings up in an argument how you always forget major occassions like birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine's Day, you might not want to fire back by saying, "Everyday is Valentine's Day with Me".

Yep, that might get you kicked in the ole shell.

Rent a Family

I and some of my seminarian colleagues are starting a new business where we will come over to your house for the holidays and pretend to be your family. Yep, you heard me right. No more having to work on and developing relationships over the course of the year. No more wondering if you got the right kind of presents or if anyone will show up for the holidays. We will catch up with you, talk about "old times", give you updates on the kids and even cook you a big holiday meal...all for a small fee of course. Hey, what is family for?

We think this is going to be big. In our fast-food, instant messaging, immediate results society, this is the natural next step. We have 3 main packages:

1) Norman Rockwell package. For $800 we will come over for the holiday and give you the all-American holiday cheer.

2) The Dysfunctional family Package. For $500 we will come over with a lot of drama, attitude and even start a couple arguments about how grandma always liked you best. Low on price, high on good times.

3) The Partridge Family Package: For $1,400 we will come over to your home and sing as if your holiday were a musical.

Family members are going fast so you had better sign up quick. Children and gift wrapping are extra.

Simply brilliant.

Have yourself a turtle little Christmas

Even though I am contractually obligated to plug the new Fattened Calf Christmas Card (see image of front), I have to say I like it.

Visit http://www.fattenedcalf.com/gear.html to purchase or view the new card. Due to timing issues it is only available online this year.

Are we not in silly land when we start calling Christmas Trees - "Family Trees" (Lowe's recent holiday catalog which they say was a proofing error - Ooops.)

When Prince changed his name, we at least got to use the "artist formally known as". Can we at least go with "Trees formerly known as Holiday trees, formally known as Christmas trees"?

This world keeps getting odder.

To be honest as I watch you human folk scuttle about on these holidays buying presents, so horribly busy and upset, I have to wonder if Christmas itself should be know as the holiday formally about the birth of Jesus...

Say it Anyway

Sometimes you have to say you're sorry whether you mean it or not. It's good practice for the times when you really mean it.

But you can't be sarcastic or condesending when you say you are sorry. For example, I know this Beaver named Chuck who will be kind of a jerk when he apologizes. Chuck will apologize by saying something like, "I'm sorry you are a moron and can't understand the simplist of ideas. I'm sorry."

This is when I usually say, "I'm sorry that I'm going to punch your beard off." But I usually forget and take a nap.

Lunch Anyone?

It's a little past 10 am and my stomach has started a royal rumble of discontent. Do I just suck it up and wait it out until 11 am and try to blend in with the early birds?

Or do I dare bust out my lunch at this unholy hour and risk throwing the universe into a free-falling conundrum?

What's next? First we start eating our lunches at 10, then we sneak it in at 9:30 and then the next thing you know, we are putting mustard on our breakfast burgers.

Must fight....temptation.....and not eat my delicious sandwich...

I am thankful the Lord didn't make my shell out of cashews. I would have dusted those suckers a long time ago.

Fear

If you had no fear, what would you do for God?

No, seriously. If you didn't allow your fears or worries to drive your decisions, what would you attempt to do for God? What ideas would you pursue? What dreams would you chase with all of your might? What wrongs in this world would your try to correct?

I know I may be the smartest lilly on the pond but it seems to me that God didn't give us a spirit of timidity; but a spirit of power, love and self-discipline.

I don't think it is a coincidence that there are 365 references to fear in the Bible. I fully believe that God knew that we would need each one of these verses to help us make it to the next day.

That is how this turtle sees taking steps of faith. You just take that first step and then see what God does with it...and then you keep doing it until He tells us to stop.

Is following God's calling scary? Absolutely. I'm not going to candy coat that one at all. But its also the safest place one could ever be.